Category: Uncategorized

I always have a reason why I shouldn’t be happy. Always. And it’s one of the things the Holy Spirit is helping me to overcome. I find that because my joy is associated with so many things around me, when those people, things or circumstances don’t present themselves, I sink into “nobody-should-disturb-me-mode”. I can sulk and pity myself for long hours. I used to have a PhD in it. Realizing that my joy should come out from within me changed my life. Now, I can have joy knowing that I’m loved by God and cared for by Him, even when there’s a storm around me.

In John 4:14(MSG), Jesus says “Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst—not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life.” So Jesus is saying that I have life-giving water springing out of my very core. I already have wholeness, peace, love and joy once I come to Him. I think there are many days when we question God regarding the circumstances in our lives. We always want to understand what’s going on. Why this and why that. And that’s what makes us worry. We’re either too focused on the past or the future, which prevents us from experiencing God’s good things for us in the present. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t ever have challenges because I have a well of life coming from within me. In fact, I’m more challenged now in Christ than when I hadn’t given my life to Him. But you know what, the most fantastic part about this Christian walk is that you can even see your plane on the verge of crashing, yet you close your eyes and say, “I’m not worried; Jesus is the pilot”. Right there, you step into power and you allow the joy that the love of Christ brings to overtake you. You set yourself up for peace when you put your anxiety in God’s hands. Easier said than done; I still have to repeatedly remind myself that God’s in control of my life and that I’m never alone. And that’s completely okay. But I’m saying that regardless of what’s happening around me, I believe things will be okay. So believe. Stop holding on to pain, stop holding on to hurt, stop trying to figure everything out and breathe.

Joyce Meyer said, “You can be pitiful or powerful. But you can’t have both”. I felt that. If deep down you don’t tell yourself that God has a beautiful life in store for you and believe it, you’ll be just like I used to be, a loser. Yes, You can be a Christian, go to church every day and still be a loser. You become a winner not just by accepting Jesus but accepting His truth that no matter what happens to you, you can still experience joy, peace and love in the most unlikely circumstances. Think about this: people who don’t know God turn to things like drugs, sex and become deeply depressed when their lives take an unexpected turn, and I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen to some Christians too-it does. But the point I’m making is if people who don’t know the light become like this when there’s a storm, there should be a completely different outcome for those of us in Christ or else it’s like we don’t even know Him at all. We should be even happier, more peaceful and joyful, during trial, knowing that it’s just a matter of time before we wave our victory flag and that we’ll have a testimony that will bless someone else. And that’s the truth. The Holy Spirit does this for us. We are never alone. Cry if you’re overwhelmed, but after you’ve cried, say ” I have joy, I am not alone”. Say it till you believe it.

Habakuk 3:17-19(MSG) : Though the cherry trees don’t blossom and the strawberries don’t ripen,Though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted, Though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns empty,I’m singing joyful praise to God.I’m turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God. Counting on God’s Rule to prevail,I take heart and gain strength.I run like a deer.I feel like I’m king of the mountain!(For congregational use, with a full orchestra).

I want to let you understand that you can have many reasons why you should be sad or angry, or hurt. But don’t waste your life dwelling on it. You’ll only have more regrets in the end. Instead, you can also say, “I’m singing joyful praise…I feel like I’m king of the mountain.”

This post was originally published on November 12th, 2019.

I’m not the only one who’s been through seasons of feeling inadequate, insecure and unconfident. It’s hard to breathe in those times. Yes, it’s hard to live. I can barely do a thing. It leaves me feeling pitiful because I believe I can never really make a significant impact anywhere and that in this life I’m just passing by, barely surviving. And usually, it’s my weaknesses that cause this. It all comes down to the big question: what could God possibly do with a person like me? I could walk without lifting my head and be reluctant to do anything for God or anyone, feeling that I’d make mistakes and spoil everything. Feeling inadequate is definitely a load to carry. But am I going to keep telling myself that I’m incapable of doing anything good, especially for God?

I think of the apostle Peter in the Bible, who was also confronted with this feeling of inadequacy. In Luke 5:1-11, these seasoned fishermen have been at it all night, but they’ve caught nothing. Jesus steps in, and it’s a new ball game: they’ve now got more than they can carry. Peter sees this and immediately caves in to the reality that he’s unworthy. He says to Jesus, “Master, leave. I’m a sinner and can’t handle this holiness. Leave me to myself”. Yet what Jesus says leaves me in awe. He says, ” there’s nothing to fear. From now on, you’ll be fishing for men and women”. Peter says he’s not worthy to be with Jesus but Jesus not only says he is but that he’s capable of even fishing out…doing something for God’s Kingdom. Now, that’s what God is saying to me today.

I remember when I struggled with pornography, my mother asked me how I could go for evangelism, knowing that I had a secret sin like that. I answered that it was the reason why I went. Because for me, the fact that God saw beyond my flaws and still gave me the strength to live was a love worth sharing to the world. “God doesn’t want you to be perfect. He wants you to be willing”. Pay attention; God will eventually transform your life into perfection because of your willingness. I don’t know why you’ve stumbled on this piece, but God is saying to stop paying attention to your weaknesses. Only He can take them away. Instead, focus on what you can do for Him. And let Him use that to produce in you the man that you’re destined to be. 2 Corinthians 4:7 says “However, we possess this precious treasure [the divine Light of the Gospel] in [frail, human] vessels of earth, that the grandeur and exceeding greatness of the power may be shown to be from God and not from ourselves”.

We possess… Precious treasure… Frail human vessels of earth… So that the exceeding greatness of the power will be from God and not from us. I feel like dancing when I read this! Lord, thank You for showing me through numerous people in your Word that you can use me too! Rest assured, God will give us all we need to do what He’s called us to do. Our deficiency in one area shouldn’t make us question our proficiency in another.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are”- Theodore Roosevelt.

This post was originally published on November 7th, 2019.

Today, I woke up feeling like I had really hit rock bottom. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. This is the typical feeling after I’ve done something wrong: told a lie, watched something that is way too explicit or given in to any of my lustful desires. I feel like God would instead take a bat and smash my face or, in our setting, take a nice-looking cane and lash the sins out of me. This is no joke. This is how I really feel after trading my life in eternity for a moment of temporary pleasure.

I don’t even feel like going to church today. If it’s singing, I can’t because I feel unworthy. If it’s dancing, why dance? What’s exciting about dancing in filthiness. And you know the worst part? Sometimes I have strange visions that God will reveal my secret sins through the prophet/pastor, and everyone will look and point accusing fingers at me. I don’t know if you’ve felt it before, but you can’t lift your hands up in pure, authentic worship. My weaknesses get to me this way. I hate every bit of it. Sometimes I wonder why I still put myself through things like this.

But as I write this post, church is just in a few minutes. Unlike other days I go through this, I have a different perspective today. I am sick, and I need a doctor. Why not just go? I need help, and I know someone who can help me. Why resist the person? I’m dirty and in need of cleansing. Why not just accept it? This is one thing I’ve discovered our adversary, The Father of all Liars, uses on us growing Christians. He knows we just committed to a life of total surrender to God, and immediately we commit a failure, he constantly reminds us of who we used to be as if that’s who we really are. He continually reminds us that God wants nothing to do with unholiness. So there’s no way God would want anything to do with us. He tells us God hates us, God is ashamed of us and that we are a disappointment to our Father.

There’s good news for me today, though. Not just for me but for every person who’s ever felt like a failure or that failure created this chasm between God and us such that we can never go back to Him. The Good News is this: even if there is a deep chasm, God’s love bridges that gap. Romans 8:38 and 39 says this: “For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord”. This verse gives me a lot of peace on the inside. I know that I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m nowhere near that. As a babe when it comes to the Christian walk, it’s very challenging. I’m up, I’m down, sometimes I feel dead, sometimes I get numb, and it’s almost as if my “Christian senses” don’t work. Sometimes I get frustrated that I still succumb to ungodly things. And yet I find peace in this. We all should.

As I end this, we’ve closed from church now. I feel refreshed and renewed. When I lifted my hands while we were singing “I want more of You” by Sinach, I meant it because I knew deep within me that I wanted more of Him. More of His peace. More of His strength. More of His grace. I’m in no way saying that I will never do anything wrong, neither am I saying that it’s okay to do wrong stuff just because of this abundant love but in my journey of learning more and more about God and growing in His love and grace, I refuse to let the devil use my sins/weaknesses to disqualify me when it comes to receiving God’s grace. In other words, I refuse to stay down when I fall down. Because like Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:10 … for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).

Thus, I can rest in this: God loves me. And though I make mistakes, I can rely on His strength to lift me out of that pit and put me on top of the mountain, where His grace and strength are sufficient for me through His forgiveness.

This post was originally published on July 28th, 2019.